Ella's Story

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Ella* shares her story of childhood sexual abuse by her brother. She explains how it has impacted her relationships with others and herself.

What happened?

"Our parents had just gone through a divorce before the first happening. He lived with our dad from then on, and I with our mom. Several times we were together, he would coerce me into allowing him to touch me, with clothes on, in intimate areas. Sometimes he would say he was teaching me what others may try to do to me, to make me aware that it was wrong."

How did it impact your well-being and relationships with others?

"I never disclosed to anyone (only my husband and therapists) until I was an adult. Our parents never knew. I did not want to lose what relationship I did have with my brother — although this abuse was happening, he was still very important to me. I depended on him and innately knew that our relationship would always be important... I didn't want to risk losing that relationship.

I did not want to lose what relationship I did have with my brother — although this abuse was happening, he was still very important to me.

"Our father was/is emotionally absent and I would not have dreamed of talking to him about this. My mom was generally overwhelmed and emotional during those years and I did not want to give her more to worry about. As an adult, even through much healing and therapies, I still struggle to feel comfortable with sexual intimacy. This is challenging for my relationship with my husband, even though he is so kind and patient. I also continue to struggle with trusting myself and my judgment. That has become a big hurdle as I became a mom to my own four children. This abuse has still never been revealed to our parents nor has it been talked about with me and my brother."

Advice for others

"Prioritize healing for yourself! Not for anyone else. Spend time and effort getting to know yourself, building trust between your true self and all of your parts. You can mother and love your parts that are still stuck and scared and confused."

 

Need Help?

211 Hotline
Mental health resources for yourself or someone you care about:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or chat online:

Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer crisis counselor or visit

RAINN
National Sexual Assault Hotline Lifeline: 1-800-656-4673 or chat via

Stop It Now! Helpline
Anyone with questions or concerns about child sex abuse: call 1.888.PREVENT or visit

SAARA Resources:

 

*All names are pseudonyms to protect the privacy of those who share their stories with us.

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