Tanya Rouleau Whitworth, Lizzie Martell, Corinna Jenkins Tucker, and David Finkelhor
Spring 2025
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This bulletin aims to help professionals and practitioners identify factors that indicate when it is unsafe for siblings to live together due to physical or psychological abuse, severe aggression, or harmful sexual behaviors. Recognizing and addressing these various safety concerns is crucial to ensure the well-being and safety of each sibling. Each situation requires an individualized approach, as well as regular review and monitoring.
Background
The growing consensus among child welfare experts is that siblings should be kept together and not separated by child protection and foster care systems unless there are significant safety concerns. This is a worthy goal, supported by extensive research that establishes the importance of sibling relationships for both child and adult well-being. However, the specific criteria for determining what constitutes a safety concern are often unclear.
Faced with the lack of guidelines for what constitutes a safety concern and when siblings need to be separated, caseworkers and judges must use their judgment to make placement decisions. While some level of discretion is important and allows for an individualized approach to each child and family, many practitioners and professionals lack training or expertise in sibling dynamics and often rely on personal beliefs and assumptions to make these decisions.
When to Separate Siblings
In certain instances, children who have exhibited abusive or harmful behaviors toward their siblings (see SAARA Bulletins #1, #4, and #7 for definitions and examples) may continue residing in the same home. In these cases, it is essential to have a robust safety plan in place and ensure that all parents and caregivers are involved and supportive of both/all siblings.
Caregiver support includes acknowledging the existence of harmful sibling behaviors and a sincere commitment to following the safety plan. This should be frequently reevaluated. Parents who initially express denial or other unsupportive responses may become more supportive as they come to terms with the situation. The child who caused harm should also understand the hurt they caused their sibling, recognize their own responsibility for the harm, and commit to following the safety plan.
Sometimes, however, keeping siblings together at home causes one or more children to experience ongoing harm or distress. In these situations, a temporary or longer-term separation needs to be considered to ensure the emotional, physical, and sexual safety of the harmed child. Additionally, the decision to separate should be informed by assessments of:
- The severity of the abuse or aggression and how long and often it has been taking place;
- The impact on the harmed child;
- The harming child’s risk factors for re-offense, needs for support, and protective factors (e.g., coping skills); and
- The capability (beyond willingness) of caregivers to provide support and ensure safety for all children involved.
It is not safe for siblings to continue living together if:
- The physical, psychological, or sexual abuse or severe aggression continues, even if it has lessened in severity or is less frequent.
- The harmed child is experiencing trauma symptoms, fear, or mental health distress related to their sibling’s aggression or abuse, especially if these are worsened by being around that sibling.
- The harmed child expresses (even subtly, such as having conflicted feelings) that they do not want to live with their sibling or do not feel safe around them.
- The child who caused harm does not recognize their actions’ impact on their sibling, express a sense of responsibility, or commit to following a safety plan.
- The siblings’ parents or caregivers deny that aggression or abuse occurred, minimize it, or blame it on the victim.
- The siblings’ parents or caregivers are unwilling or unable to support both/all siblings and follow the safety plan.
If out-of-home placement is necessary, the child who caused harm to their sibling(s) should usually be removed from the home. This is more easily understood as fair by both the child who was harmed and the child who caused harm. However, when parents and other family members are unsupportive of the victim, deny the existence of harmful sibling behaviors, or are unwilling to take measures to ensure safety, the harmed child should stay somewhere else.
How Long Do Siblings Need to Be Separated?
Many cases will require a period of no contact between the siblings, but if treatment goes well, visitation should be able to resume, eventually followed by reunification. There is no standardized answer to how long siblings need to be separated; it depends on factors such as the severity of the abuse, the progress of interventions, the harmed child’s preferences, the involvement of the family, and the safety of all children in the home.
If visitation is deemed appropriate, efforts should be made to maintain and support the sibling bond. Many siblings want to preserve some form of connection with a sibling who has harmed them. In some cases, however, permanent separation may be necessary. Frequent reassessment of the guiding criteria for sibling separation, listed above, can help inform this decision.
Considering Reunification
Reunification is a process that begins with providing treatment for the whole family. Sibling abuse and severe aggression impact not only the involved siblings but also parents and other family members. Family members, including non-involved siblings, often struggle with feelings of guilt and distress related to learning about the harmful sibling behaviors, grief for the version of their family that has been lost, and divided loyalties between the harmed sibling and the sibling who caused harm.
Separate therapists are necessary for the child who was harmed and the child who caused harm. In both cases, psychotherapy should be trauma-informed, strength-based, and focused on promoting healthy coping skills and positive development. Healing for both/all siblings is also greatly influenced by the emotional connectedness, support, and accountability that family members provide.
Caregivers will likely benefit from psychotherapy that addresses their feelings of shame, responsibility, and divided loyalties, alongside parenting skills training on topics including positive discipline techniques, avoiding differential treatment, and establishing healthy family boundaries.
If individual therapy progresses well for all family members, joint family sessions can be added to aid the family’s healing process. It is important to note that family members do not need to agree on exactly how the abuse occurred, but they must establish a shared plan to ensure a safe and healthy family environment for everyone moving forward. Ongoing assessment is essential to monitor each family member’s well-being, emotional responses, interactions, and compliance with the safety plan.
Early on, family members and practitioners should agree on the conditions under which they would be ready for reunification. When all the practitioners involved with the family agree that these conditions have been met, steps toward reunification may begin. Reunification can begin gradually with visits, such as shared outings and family holiday celebrations, and proceed to overnight visits and the eventual return of all children to the family home. All family members should be aware that reconnection can be paused or stopped at any time if necessary.
When physical or psychological abuse, severe aggression, or harmful sexual behaviors occur between siblings, families and professionals experience unique challenges in responding. There is a tension between protecting victimized children and preserving potentially important sibling bonds. Equipping professionals and practitioners with the knowledge to evaluate these situations and ensure safety while maintaining the goal of family preservation is critical to children’s healing and well-being.
For further reading:
ATSA Task Force on Children with Sexual Behavior Problems. (2023). Children with sexual behavior problems, 2nd edition. Association for the Treatment and Prevention of Sexual Abusers.
Caffaro, J. V. (2014). Sibling abuse trauma: Assessment and intervention strategies for children, families, and adults (2nd edition). Routledge.
Ibrahim, J. (2023). A preview of the AIM practice guidance for harmful sexual behaviour between siblings illustrated by a case series. Journal of Sexual Aggression, 29(3), 391–406.
Marmor, A., Weisrose, E. L., & Kimelman, Y. B. (2025). “Mend the rift” therapeutic model for working with sibling sexual abuse: Professionals’ perspectives. Child Abuse & Neglect, 162(3), 106956.
Perkins, N. H., & Meyers, A. (2020). The manifestation of physical and emotional sibling abuse across the lifespan and the need for social work intervention. Journal of Family Social Work, 23(4), 338–356.
Tabachnick, J., & Pollard, P. (2016). Considering family reconnection and reunification after child sexual abuse: A road map for advocates and service providers. National Sexual Violence Resource Center.
Yates, P., & Allardyce, S. (2021). Sibling sexual abuse: A knowledge and practice overview. Centre of expertise on child sexual abuse (CSA Centre).
Yates, P., & Allardyce, S. (2023). Sibling sexual behaviour: A guide to responding to inappropriate, problematic and abusive behaviour. Centre of expertise on child sexual abuse (CSA Centre).
